God’s Peace Among the Pieces

Today, I had the most productive therapy session I have had in a long time.  Many pieces of my shattered life revealed how they fit together.  The marital abuse, the rape, the sexual assaults, the emotionally volatile childhood, the intense education about abuse and the root of so much wrong in the world–it all connects. 

This is the most peaceful I have been since God picked me up and carried me through the emotionally violent desertion of my husband. 

Also, today I woke up to a flat tire-_a tire, which I had just repaired one month ago.  Yet I did not let that get in my way of seeing that God believes in me…he has confidence in my ability to learn and to change.  Today, I trusted Him…and it was beautiful.

May God also bless you. ❤

Psalm 6

¹ Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger
    or discipline me in your wrath.
² Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint;
    heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.
³ My soul is in deep anguish.
    How long, Lord, how long?
⁴ Turn, Lord, and deliver me;
    save me because of your unfailing love.
⁵ Among the dead no one proclaims your name.
    Who praises you from the grave?
⁶ I am worn out from my groaning.
All night long I flood my bed with weeping
    and drench my couch with tears.
⁷ My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
    they fail because of all my foes.
⁸ Away from me, all you who do evil,
    for the Lord has heard my weeping.
⁹ The Lord has heard my cry for mercy;
    the Lord accepts my prayer.
¹⁰ All my enemies will be overwhelmed with shame and anguish;
    they will turn back and suddenly be put to shame.

A Newspaper Documented Example of Emotional/Psychological Abuse

A divorced, controlling man filed a complaint against his ex-wife to reduce her parenting time because she took their 11-year-old daughter to a Pink concert.

Here is the article: http://www.nj.com/ocean/index.ssf/2015/04/pink_concert_didnt_harm_nj_girl_judg_says.html

What frustrates me is that the judge may have seen the correct judgement based on logic from facts presented, but he didn’t see the abusive subtext.

Now daughter will feel like she did something wrong for asking to go to a concert. She will carry unwarranted guilt and not express her wants because she won’t want to cause a problem. I know because I experienced similar out of court drama in my family of origin. This makes me so angry!

It takes one heck of a an inflamed narcissist to try to take parenting time away because his ex took their daughter to a concert.

Shame on the attorney who supported this man’s emotional/psychlogical abuse of his ex wife and child!

By Grace

Things have not been easy around here lately.  I have been feeling depressed and burned out on life.  Work has been wracked by business emergencies, money is tight, and my divorce feels like it will never end.  Yet today, I found hope in my circumstances.

Today a new friend from church lent me a book called “One Thousand Gifts.”  At page 13, I had an important realization about the circumstances and reasons for the bad things I’ve endured over the years. 

Here is what I shared with my friend about my experience today:

The words “by Grace” felt like they blew into my face when I was reading about the father asking why God allowed his daughter to be killed.  Perhaps He saved her from a fate worse than physical death.  I feel with my whole heart that God caused my anti-husband to flee from me in order to deliver me from spiritual torture.  By God’s Grace alone I was saved from a relationship that was killing my personhood…I was giving everything to stay and make it work although my anti-husband had killed my dearest dreams and sense of worth.  There was a lot of emotional violence, and it was like a slow quiet poison.  I have suffered some why moments lately, seeing only the pain and feeling hopeless. 

The words “by Grace” have changed something in my thinking.  By Grace I’m suffering what needs to be suffered, by Grace I’ve survived, by Grace I’ve been saved and awakened, and by Grace I will go on. 

By God’s amazing Grace, I hope that you can experience this moment of epiphany for yourselves, too.