A song I’ve heard a thousand times played on my Pandora station today. It is a song that was made popular several years ago –about the time that I got married and moved abroad. I never saw the music video, so I decided to look it up.
About halfway through the video I felt like I was in a time warp. On the screen before me I saw the very disturbing scene of interactions between Hyde and I playing out in the music video. The woman who’d been silent through the first two-thirds of the song started to sing. She turned and faced the man singer who never acknowledged her existence, didn’t acknowledge the pain she was expressing, and flinched and looked uncomfortable as she laid the truth out on the table.
I know you’ve heard the song, “Somebody That I Used To Know” by Gotye and Kimbra. Until recently I didn’t understand the dynamics of that song. Clearly it is depicting a narcissistic and abusive relationship. Kimbra sings about thinking that she done something wrong but later realizing it wasn’t her all along it was him. Gotye sings about how she cut him off and all I could think about was that he was talking about the supply she used to provide.
There’s a point at the beginning where he looks down avoiding eye contact , looking sad at the start of what he’s saying. Then he looks up into the camera at the word die. That’s exactly the subtle type of dagger Hyde would stab me with regularly. His eyes were always full of disdain and disgust for reasons I could never understand. That action of looking into the camera at the word die speaks volumes about what’s going on inside behind those eyes. If you didn’t know to look for that you may not think anything of it or you may think you are crazy for reading anything into it. This is how I felt on a daily basis. I was so confused and felt like I was absolutely crazy.
The way Gotye never looks at Kimbra while claiming to be in so much pain because she won’t be friends is something I find disturbing. He has no real connection with her. His calling her “somebody he used to know” reduces her almost to an object, an object with no name, no feelings, and no worth in his eyes.
I’m including the video in the following link. Pay special attention to the part where Kimbra approaches Gotye. Watch his expressions and movements because that is exactly what trying to have a real heart to heart conversation with Hyde was like. The huge sigh and the slow eye close are exactly the gestures Hyde made during these interactions. Freaky.
This unexpected third person view of what I experienced really helped me to see that he hurt me, not because there’s something wrong with me, but because there is a massive defect in him. I am so grateful that I am free of his dysfunction and heartlessness.
Praise God for breaking me out of that bondage.