God Hears

Tonight my pastor’s wife shared in a worship service that God wanted her to share a word about mourning; He was tugging on her heart to share it because someone needed to hear it.  That someone was me!

She said that we can and should mourn our losses, but after we mourn we must refocus on life.  

Psalm 30:5

Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning.

I believe it.  God will take the burden of my heavy sorrow and transform it into a heartfelt joy.  First, I must do the hard work of mining for the injuries, pain, and anger I have kept at bay in order to survive.  There is a lot to uncover/discover because the lies that made me weak started before Hyde took his turn.   I really was a spiritual prisoner for many years of my life before I heard the Truth and woke up out of the trancelike state of existence.

It is also a chance for me to belatedly celebrate the marriage I had made, which was robbed from me by our separation from our friend and family causef by our immediate relocation to Europe.  There is still beauty in that day because I made a vow to God and stayed faithful to my word and in the breakup, I submitted the marriage to His will.  I obeyed Him completely on this issue.  When I understood better that I needed to be submitted to God before I submitted my husband, almost immediately God took him away to protect me and my child.

Today I mourn the spiritual scars from the years of believing lies.  I also praise God for gifting me with the knowledge and strength that allowed me to finally recognize a great lie and weed it out of my life.

Day 21

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4 thoughts on “God Hears

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your heart this way. It sounds like you are on such a healthy path, though processing the mourning hurts so much.

    Last night I was mourning my own losses. It had been a long time since I had really cried and now I have cried deeply three times in the last few weeks. I don’t know if I can do a thorough job of it because it’s not over. My sorrow over the past is still combined with much angst over the present and the future. My kids are struggling so much. Their hearts are very wounded and their personalities deeply affected by having him for a father. The fallout is so daily. Oh, marriedtohyde, sometimes I feel such revulsion in body and soul. I can’t stand being around him. How I wish he would just leave our lives forever, but he won’t. He just keeps sucking the life out of us and won’t dare to risk leaving what he has got here to try to find greener pastures. I wish he would quit distorting Christiianity and the Scriptures to my children. I am so afraid that his performance of the “good Christian man” is fooling my son and will turn him into a copy of his father and leave him unsaved with confidence that he is saved. I keep trying to steel myself against all this and start over while in it, but I don’t know if that’s even possible. I’m so tired and my health is so broken…

    On a more positive note, I really do rejoice with you. I can almost feel the process you are going through. (I’m a little empathic 🙂 ). I pray that you will be healed in every part of your heart, mind, and body. God has certainly led you most faithfully, and I am glad. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh how my heart hurts for you. While I was in it, I was so cognitively oblivious to the abuse, so look at how clever you are for recognizing it. You have more power and strength in you than you realize–you have God’s Spirit in you. It is Satan’s lie that makes you feel powerless. Don’t believe that the power of God can’t overcome your abuser’s facade before your children.

      Being near the abuser is a life- joy- energy- sucking experience. I was tired all the time from being hyper alert to the slightest indication of his displeasure. I promise that there is a life of freedom and light after leaving. Living with the constant disapproval and disinterest was a much harder life than working full time as a single mom.

      Praying for God to provide you with an opportunity to live in freedom. ❤

      Like

  2. I wonder if we can put a time line and it and end it like that, 22 days. I know I mourned many things and now its done, time to move on. I wish you the best of mourning what has passed so you can heal and regain what is left of your life and move into the future.

    Liked by 1 person

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