I bet you never expected to receive a letter from me, Second, today.
I bet you are as surprised to read this as I am surprised at my writing it.
I bet you are as sweet, trusting, caring, fun, and loyal…just as I as I am.
I bet you are intelligent, friendly, outgoing, and adventurous…just as I am.
I bet you are patient, longsuffering, and eternally hopeful…just as I am.
I bet you dreamed of being a happy family with him forever…just as I dreamed.
I bet you imagined who your babies would favor– maybe even had names picked out…just as I did.
I bet something inside you felt like it died when he finally broke the silence, saying that he didn’t want children with you…just as I felt.
I bet he maybe even blamed you for the way he obsessively pulls his hair out…just as he blamed me.
I bet he told you he “couldn’t take it anymore” and he was “tired of your negativity” when he told you it was over…just as he said it to me.
I bet you felt like the rug was pulled out from underneath you and nothing seemed to make sense…just as I felt.
I bet you were surprised when his entire family suddenly went cold on you after he left…just as I was surprised.
I bet you heard the rumor he spread that you had kicked him out–the same lie he told me about you.
I bet you didn’t know that he used that same rumor to spread lies about me when he took off, leaving me vulnerable, jobless, broke, and alone with a child in a place where I knew no one…but it’s true.
I bet you didn’t know he stonewalled me and then blamed me for “exploding” when I lost my temper…but I am pretty sure you had the same experience.
I bet you didn’t know that his cold, heartless indifference led to my two episodes of suicidal ideation…but I am pretty sure you felt this miserable too.
I bet you didn’t know that he put every asset we bought together in his name only, refused to discuss our income, and never let me see the detailed spreadsheet he kept about the money…but I am pretty sure that he was secretive with you about the finances too.
I bet you didn’t know that I thought I repulsed him because gradually I became the only one who cared about our sex life…but I am pretty sure you struggled with this too.
I bet you didn’t realize that you were walking on eggshells until he left and he took his black energy with him…just as I didn’t realize.
I bet it’s taken you a long time to heal from the nightmare he created…just like it’s taking me.
I bet there is a chance that you didn’t know it was abuse and that he is an abuser…but it was and he is.
He is what Lundy Bancroft calls “The Water Torturer“–and he is worse than a rapist because he didn’t force himself on us, but instead used deceit to penetrate and desecrate every aspect of your life and mine. He raped our very souls.
I wish I knew you. I wish we could talk and you could share with me anything that would help me to face him in court. I wish I could erase the pain he caused.
I wish you all the best of everything and a long life of happiness, First, because you deserve it…just as I do.