Simple Things

There has been a lot on my plate the last few weeks, or as I said to my therapist: it’s like juggling many trays full of different entrees traveling at different speeds with constant additions and subtractions and having to keep track of it all because someone might ask me a question about what is on a tray.  It has been exhausting.

During the last week I had our tree half strung with lights and just could not muster the energy to finish it or care that it wasn’t finished.  That’s a sad place to be…I hated it.  Fortunately, I was able to hang in and not beat myself up for it.  Yesterday, I spent a few hours blasting classic Christmas songs and finishing the decorating.  It was an effort, but well worth it.

Warm and cozy.  That’s how I would describe the atmosphere I created with my simple Christmas decorations.

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As I sit here soaking up the beauty, I am reminded how our home with Hyde never felt this relaxed.  This year, I didn’t have to ask for money to buy ornaments I wanted; there was zero guilt in the process of preparing the space according to my taste.  There were no adverse consequences for wanting a bit of cheer. I didn’t need his approval for anything.  I felt free to control my purchases, free to make independent decisions, and free from his mantle of unhappiness.

Freedom.  So simple and so valuable.  Freedom to dream of a happy future.

In case I don’t write before then, merry Christmas and a happy, freedom-filled new year to you all.

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2 thoughts on “Simple Things

  1. How beautiful 🙂 I am so glad you are feeling the freedom of a Christmas without him. I could really identify with the description in your first paragraph! Exhausting! Well, I finally got in the Christmas spirit last Saturday – twelve days before Christmas – how about that! So I am now enjoying the season, even if it wears me out! Merry Christmas to you, dear 🙂

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    • Yay! I am glad you got filled with Christmas spirit. This year Christmas has an even deeper meaning for me. This year I am aware of celebrating Christ’s coming to Earth for the specific tasks of teaching us how to live, freeing us from the oppression of mankind, AND dying in our place for our sins. God surely loves us.

      Merry Christmas, dear Seeing the Light!

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