Near the end of our stay in Europe I decided that I wanted the special demitasse spoons everyone used with their coffee. I expressed my desire to purchase these and Hyde told me “we can get them in the U.S.” I argued that I knew where to get them (unlike in the U.S.), but he continued to put me off, making me feel stupid for pushing to buy them.
The thing was, I asked for so little from Hyde. I never spent money without his approval first. “Our” money never felt like mine. I respected him by asking him first, but he continually denied my small requests. The frequent refusals with the occasional approval trained me to ask less frequently. It was financial abuse and it robbed me of equality in my marriage.
Other denied requests that still get under my skin: a cd being sold by a talented guitarist in Rome, two more matching coffee cups and saucers (we had two), an electric tea kettle, enamel cookware, a cd of medieval music by musicians in Rothenberg, Germany, a new broom, a new clothes drying rack, a new wine bottle opener. His salary was over $150,000, but I didn’t know that at the time.
Last week, I spotted these demitasse spoons in a discount shop…the first ones I’d seen since moving. I make less than $700 per month, but I forked over the $13 just to relish my freedom to do so without feeling obligated to ask first. They are my Effyou Hyde spoons, and with every stir in my cup, I’ll be diminishing his control over my life.