Memory Unburied

Trigger Warning: Eating Disorder

Last night, I had the sudden, out-of-the-blue realization that I have not purged since Hyde left me.

It kind of stunned me when my memory suddenly opened up and I remembered the hours I spent gagging myself, trying to dispell the horrible feeling inside of me.  I really didn’t even think about how that was a signal for the distress I felt–it was how I subconsciously coped and internalized my hurt in order to let our marriage survive.

I cry now for that past me.  How sad that my mind was clever to find a coping mechanism that kept my relationship alive at my own peril.

Hyde is an agent of darkness.  I really had some serious mental health issues happening as a result of his covert abuse.  Praise God!  I am freed from the daily prison of life with Hyde.


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