Sad Eyes Smiling

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No, I don’t mean those puppy dog eyes meant to manipulate someone. The sad eyes I am talking about are my own.

For at least two years my eyes looked sad in nearly every photograph. My smile was only a shadow of the happy person I once had been. All my dreams for the future were slowly murdered by the one who promised to dream with me as he leached hope from me.

My sad eyes make me so angry!

Hyde, you are a miserable creature. Your heart is so small and miserly and you cannot grasp that happiness has nothing to do with money or comfort. You hid our finances from me, but you couldn’t break me that way, so you went after my dearest hopes. What a lowly coward you are!

God has greater plans in store for me and my son.  I was obedient to Him, while you, Hyde, spat in His face.  My Father will protect me from lasting harm from you and other evil-minded men. I know this because He opened my eyes, dispelled the lies, and released me from a prison I didn’t even know I was in.

Hyde, your icy stare failed to intimidate the last time you tried to break my will.  I knew then that my eyes weren’t sad, but strong. 

My eyes were once sad for want of Hyde’s love, but that’s not true anymore.  My eyes are tired now, but the day is soon coming where they will sparkle again.  That’s something to smile about! ☺

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7 thoughts on “Sad Eyes Smiling

    • …and that is the beauty of free will–we can choose.

      I didn’t choose to be mistreated, but my Hyde chose to deliberately withhold truth and love from me. He tried to throw me away like garbage.

      I chose to challenge the lie that I was worthless.

      I choose everyday to walk into my future e without fear because I am under God’s protection.

      Liked by 1 person

      • (Sorry…hit reply before I was finished)

        Thank you, Andrew, for your positive encouragement. Every word of understanding and encouragement helps a victim-survivor like me to trust that the world isn’t completely filled with wolves as we hesitantly reenter an undistorted reality.

        God bless!

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  1. Try to find someone who can constantly water you with the positive, lifeward, upward thoughts, quotes, stories etc. anything positive will help. Importance in your situation- to receive constant positive impact, more than enough to keep your head over the waives, Like attracts like. Do not feed your present emotions , feed your future and you will see what you feed. There is a huge amount of practical things how to go through such situations, but you definitely need some source from outside this situation. Relatives are not very helpful because they would like to take sides. Independent is more preferred. Leave every source who try to speak you down! You need only UP! Even if there is kind of truth in down messages, do not listen them now. You can deal with that later, when you will be stabilized.
    You can make it! This is curable!

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    • Even if there is kind of truth in down messages, do not listen them now. You can deal with that later, when you will be stabilized.

      Yes! This is what my gut tells me I need. I am so depleted by not just a massive rejection, but the whole of my life has been turned upside down! There has been no stability for at least 8 months.

      You know, I never did it before, but I think it’s time for me to try out the positive post-it notes around the house until I can make some friends in my new town.

      Thanks again, Andrew, for your advice and kind words. I so appreciate it! ☺

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  2. Hey sweetheart – My husband abandoned me too, one year ago. Walked away from his home, his marriage, everything that had to do with me. After 18 yrs together. You are right on target about how
    your husband has no meaningful relationships because they challenge him. Good relationships are based on mutuality and there is no such thing with a PA/Narc/Selfish man. I watched my ex destroy every relationship in his life. He deletes people. And it was always their fault.
    I like what Andrew said about not hanging with those who are negative, even only slightly so. I have no
    contact with my ex and I do not even want his name spoken to me (except by God, who is making me pray for my ex and his woman, ugh!) When someone mentions the ex to me, I tell them I don’t wanna hear it. If they do not respect my boundaries, I cannot be around that person. People who love and care for me will not ask, “well, have you heard from —“?
    The best thing I’ve done this past yr is rid my life of all useless activities and unreliable people. And spend lots of time seeking God, sitting in His Presence, asking Him questions and trying to be so very open to hearing Him. I read “Walking With God” by John Eldredge twice. It helped me a great deal with spiritual warfare. You, yourself may be under spiritual attack with the health troubles. I can tell you are drawing near to God and the enemy DOES NOT like that.
    The enemy already destroyed my marriage and it left me broken-hearted. He wants to destroy me too. I am wearing the full armor and standing firm. So are you. This life is but a vapor. God bless you abundantly!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • May God also bless you abundantly, AlonewithGod.

      I am sorry that anyone has to experience the very complex emotional turmoil caused by being dicarded by a disordered person. Despite how soul-bruising the experience is, there has been no greater internal growth in my life than what has sprouted from the ashes of my former life. I bet you would agree.

      You are so on the mark about the negativity of even hearing his name. Receiving e-mails and legal papers sets off all alarm bells in my body. His words are like poison. I long for the day I am not obligated to have contact with him.

      Thank you for your sweet encouragement, freely given. I had the random thought today that Christians are the Light in the world…Christ in us creates the desire to give and be servants in His name. It changes the world.

      Have a blessed and peaceful weekend, AlonewithGod. 🙂

      Like

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